Posts filed under: ‘Humour‘


spotted in a toilet of a London office:

In a London Laundromat:

In a London department store:

In an London office:

Outside a London secondhand shop:

Notice in London health food shop window:

Spotted in a safari park:

Seen during a London conference:

Notice in a field:

Message on a leaflet:

On a repair shop door:

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world:

At a Budapest zoo:

Doctors office,

Hotel, Acapulco:

In a Nairobi restaurant:


Add a comment March 21, 2008

Why Indians don’t need to fix a match

Indians are honest people.
A bookie calls Hansie Cronje before the match between India and South Africa.
Cell phone rings. Hansie picks up.

Cronje : hello
Bookie : I am ……. Here.
Cronje : yes tell me

Bookie : how is the pitch
Cronje : ya dry and good for batting
Bookie : I want u to loose today’s match

Cronje : impossible
Bookie : I will pay u $200,000
Cronje : will be difficult to make India win.

Bookie : I will pay u $250,000
Cronje : May be I could help you by reducing the margin… u tell by what margin we should win… will be much more easier

Bookie : no India should win
Cronje : OK. I will try my best
Bookie : no make it.
Cronje : OK.

Bookie : what will be the score
Cronje : 300, if we bat first
Bookie : no make it 220
Cronje : Impossible. Agarkar and Joshi are playing.

Bookie : 220 no change.
Cronje : I will try
Bookie : OK. If India bat first
Cronje : 180

Bookie : no make it 275
Cronje : no u are asking too much. Dravid is playing.
Bookie : OK make it $300,000

Cronje : This would be the toughest match in my life
Bookie : OK, deal is made.
Cronje : yes
Bookie : bye.

Match starts India bats first. India score only 220 in 50 overs. During the lunch break Hansie’s cell rings.

Cronje : hello
Bookie : its me. why did India score only 220. Our deal was 275.
Cronje : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three, defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all catches and shots…I mean, if there is any… exactly directed to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Indians are too good at this,I tried re-arranging the field…but they never miss a fielder.

Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 63 extras.
Cronje : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Kirsten and Gibbs bowl.
Bookie : Okay… leave that… I want u to loose the match.

Cronje : I will try.
Bookie : South Africa should be all out for 180
Cronje : OK.
Bookie : bye.

S. Africa bats. They are making a serious attempt to not hit the ball and if at all they hit trying their best to hit to the fielders. They try to run only singles for doubles. But sometimes, they can’t stop themselves from running. All South African batsmen charged down to Joshi’s bowling and they purposely miss the ball hoping at least one would hit the stumps. But they got to run a bye for that as Dighe is still searching for the ball. Inspite of the bad display of batting, they score 218 of 49 overs.

Last over, 3 runs required, the worst part is that its an Agarkar over. Hansie is batting with Strydom. Bookie gets really furious. Hansie is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).

Cronje : hello
Bookie : its me. What are you upto ?
Cronje : We tried the best we could
Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match

Cronje : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling
Bookie : I don’t know… u are loosing

Agarkar bowls… Hansie tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.

(cell rings)
Cronje : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will find out.

Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don’t take last two run

Hansie talks to Strydom. Agarkar bowls… a juicy full toss. Strydom uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores are level (cell rings) .

Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don’t know what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u’r bat to the umpire.

Cronje : OK. OK. Don’t worry this time I will see to it we are not taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single. Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. South Africa wins the match. Bookie goes mad and Hansie faints in the field itself.

Add a comment March 21, 2008

Men on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says,” I want the men to form two queues – one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk.”

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replies, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Add a comment March 21, 2008

Reasons not to mess with children.

  1. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
    She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
    what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” The girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
  2. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.

    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
    human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

    The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

    The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

  3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

    Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and
    make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
    said, “Then why are ALL of grandma’s hairs white?”

  4. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.”Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

    A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the
    teacher, she’s dead.”

  5. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.””Yes,” the class said.

    “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
    position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

    A little fellow shouted,
    “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

  6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
    The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:”Take only ONE. God is watching.”

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

    A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

  7. OHNY: Because of the sign.
    TEACHER: What sign?
    LJOHNY: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

    TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
    LJOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

    TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
    TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
    LJOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

    TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    LJOHNY: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

    TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
    GEORGE: Here it is!
    TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
    LJOHNY: George!

    TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
    LJOHNY: Me!

    TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
    LJOHNY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

    LJOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
    FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
    LJOHNY: Your name on this report card.

    TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
    LJOHNY: Don’t bite any.

    TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
    LJOHNY: I is…
    TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, “I am.”
    LJOHNY: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

    Teacher: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
    LJohnny : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime.”

    Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
    LJohnny : “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”

    Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
    LJohnny: Brotherly love.

    Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
    LJohnny : No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.

    Teacher: Johny, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s.
    Did u copy his?
    LJohnny: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

    Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    LJohnny : A teacher

Add a comment March 21, 2008

One line jokes

  1. What kind of phone does the ocean have? A shell-phone.
  2. What day do fish hate? Fry-day.
  3. Why didn’t the crab share? B’cos it was shellfish.
  4. Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.
  5. What fish do knights like? Swordfish.
  6. How do turtles communicate with each other? With shell-phones.
  7. Whats the most expensive fish? Goldfish.
  8. What bird is with you at every meal? swallow.
  9. Why are roosters the neatest birds? B’cos they always carry their combs.
  10. What kind of birds stick together? Vel-crows.
  11. What do smart birds like to study? Owl-gebra.
  12. What bird is good at making bird? Dough dough.
  13. Key that cant open any door? Donkey.
  14. What kind of cake do mouse like? Cheese-cake.
  15. What do cats eat? Catfish.
  16. Why did the boy eat his homework? B’cos teacher said it was a piece of cake.
  17. Best day to go to the beach? Sunday.
  18. What breaks when u say it? Silence.
  19. What kind of button won’t unbutton? Belly button.

Add a comment November 14, 2007

Deadly answers

  1. Interviewer said, “I shall either ask u 10 easy questions or 1 really difficult question. Think well before u make up ur mind!”
    A boy thought for a while & said,”my choice is 1 really difficult question.” “Well, good luck to u, u’ve made ur own choice! Now tell me this. What comes 1st, Day or Night?”
    The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while & said, “Its the DAY sir!”
    “How” the interviewer asked.
    “Sorry sir, u promised me that u will not ask me a 2nd difficult question!”
    He was selected for IIM!
  2. This is a conversation that took place between an office girl & a marketing guy from a leading multinational company .
    Marketing guy – Which soap do u use?
    girl – Hemas
    Marketing guy – Which hand wash do you use?
    girl – Hemas
    Marketing guy – Which deodorant do you use?
    girl – Hemas
    Marketing guy – Which toothpaste do you use?
    girl – Hemas
    Marketing guy -Which shampoo do u use?
    girl – Hemas
    Marketing guy – Which washing powder do u use?
    girl – Hemas
    Marketing guy – shit !!!! Okay,Okay , tell me, What is this Hemas ? Is it an international company??
    girl – No, she is my roommate.
  3. A man was riding a bike so fast at night time, without lights.
    Police: Why didn’t you switch on your light?
    Man: There is light everywhere sir.
    Police takes out air in the tyre.
    Man: Why did you take out air in my tyre sir?
    Police: There is air everywhere
  4. Interviewer: just imagine, you are in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? 
    Man: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
  • U r in a boat in the middle of a river. U’ve 2 cigarettes & have to light any 1 cigarette. u dont have anything else with u in boat. How will u do it? Answer: Throw 1 cigarette in the water, when boat will become LIGHTER…… using this LIGHTER, light the other Cigarette. Or
    Throw a cigarette up & catch it. Catches win Matches. Using matches that u win, light cigarette. Or
    Take water in ur hand, drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP) “TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee.” us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee”. . . . Or
    Start praising 1 cigarette. The other will get jealous & “jalney lagega”
  • When Gavaskar finds out that a movie called “Gavaskar” has been released in Australia, he is very happy. He gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket & very happily, goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema, he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie & asks, “What do u mean by this? u named ur movie Gavaskar, but didnt show anything about me in it!”. The director of the movie laughs & says, “So now u understand the problem? u people too made a movie called Border, but did u show anything about Allan Border in it ?”
  • Add a comment September 22, 2007

    Sardar jokes

    1. Sardarji is buying a TV.

    “Do you have color TVs?”

    “Give me a green one, please.

    2. Sardar Ji calls Air India.
    “How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?”
    “Just a sec,” says the rep.
    “Thank you.” says Sardar ji & hangs up.

    3. Sardarji goes into a store & sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
    Clerk replies, “That is a Thermos flask.”
    Sardar asks, “What does it do?”
    Clerk responds, “Keeps hot things hot & cold things cold.”
    Sardar says, “I’ll take it!”
    Next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
    His Sardar boss sees him & asks, “What is that shiny object with you?”
    He said, “It’s a Thermos flask.”
    The boss asks, “What does it do?”
    He replies, “Keeps hot things hot & cold things cold.”
    Boss said, “Wow, what do u have in it?”
    Sardar replies, “Two cups of coffee & a coke.”

    4. Sardarji went to appliance store sale & found a bargain.
    “I would like to buy this small TV,” he told salesman.
    “Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
    He hurried home, removed his turban, changed his hair style & returned to tell salesman”I would like to buy this TV.”
    “Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” Salesman replied.
    “Damn, he recognised me,” he thought.
    He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.”I would like to buy this TV.”
    “Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
    Frustrated, he exclaimed, “How do u know I’m a Sardar?”
    “B’cos that’s a microwave,” he replied.

    5. Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
    B’cos below 18 was not allowed.

    6. Sardarji was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photo of his son for college admission. Accidently, the photo fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman’s saree. He asked her “Can u lift that saree? I wanna take a photo”. The rest is history.

    7. Sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park & when Dinosaurs start approaching, he is cowering in his seat, when his friend asks him “What Sardarji? R u afraidof the cinema?). Sardarji replies ” I am an intelligent man, I know it is amovie, but does that animal know?

    8. Sardarji with 2red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears, & he answered, “I was ironing a shirt & the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron & stuck it to my ear..” “Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But .. what happened to ur other ear?” “The scoundrel called back.”

    9. Sardarji goes to a hotel & eats heartily. After eating, he goes to wash his hands, but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running & asks him, “What r u doing sir?” To this the man replies,”Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,’Wash Basin’ “.

    10. Sardarji: Doctor, I have a problem.
    Doctor : What’s your problem?
    Sardarji : I keep forgetting things.
    Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
    Sardarji : What problem?

    11. One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.”What r u guys doing” asked the sardar.” We r running a marathon. The winner will get prize” replied one runner.”Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!”

    12. One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: “Any great man born in this village?Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!

    13. Teacher: Write ur best friend’s name in English.
    Sardar wrote: ‘ Beautiful Red Underware’
    Teacher: What?
    Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi

    14. Sardar : I hav’nt slept all night in the train.
    Friend : why?
    Sardar : Got upper berth.
    Friend : why didn’t u exchange?
    Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.

    15. A Teacher lecturing on population. “In India every 10 secs, a woman gives birth to a kid.”
    Sardar stands up & says, “we must find & stop her”.

    16. An Englishman, an American & a Sardarji r called upon to test a lie detector .
    Englishman says, “I think I can empty 20 beer bottles”. BUZZZ, goes lie detector. “Ok”, he says, “10 bottles”. And the machine is silent.
    American says, “I think I can eat 15 burgers”.BUZZZZ, goes lie detector.” Allright, 8 hamburgers”. And the machine’s silent.
    Sardarji says, “I think…”,BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

    17. A sardarji was driving down the highway to Disneyland, when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, he said to himself “oh well !”, turned around & drove home.

    18. Sardarji: “Excuse me sir, what time is it?”
    MAN: “It’s 3:15.”
    Sardarji: (puzzled look on his face) “U know, it’s the wierdest thing. I have been asking that question all day, & each time I get a diff answer.”

    19. Why did sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2hrs?
    B’cos, it said ‘concentrate’.

    20. How do u keep a Sardarji busy all day?
    Put him in a round room & tell him to sit in a corner.
    Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

    21. One honeymoon couple saw a Sardarji in front of Hospital in Bombay, trying to fill some form. Eagerly, couple enquired “aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho ” Sardarji replied that he is filling birth certificate form. Young Couple as per preshedule, took Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. Very next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked “Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho” sardarji once again replied that he is filling birth cirtificate form again b’cos, form said FILL IN CAPITAL.”

    22. Santa & Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another bldg. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
    Santa : “My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can’t you carry even this much?”
    Banta : “But yours is empty & my disk is full”!!!

    23. Sardarji is appearing for his University final exam. He takes his seat in exam hall, stares at question paper for 5mts, then takes his shoes off, removes turban & throws it away. His shirt, pant, socks, watch follow suit.
    The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him & asks what is going on.
    “Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,” he says, ” it says here,’Answer the following questions in brief’.”

    24. Sardarji was filling an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”. After much thought, he wrote, ” Yes”.

    25. Sardar wins a 20 cr lottery from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar, “Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

    26. Sardar proposed a girl, & she says “I’m 1yr elder to you”.
    Sardar says, ‘Oye No Problem, I’ll marry u next yr.”

    27. In a clinic one Sardarji was crying like anything.
    So other Sardarji asked, “Why are u crying?”
    The 1st one replied, “I came here for blood test, during which, they have cut my finger.”
    Hearing this, 2nd one started crying.
    Now 1st one was astonished & asked other, “Why are u crying?”
    The other replied, “I have come for my urine test.”

    28. In an interview for the post of electrical engg, they asked “how does an electrical motor runs?
    sardarji: o ji its very simple.dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
    Interviewr shouts: stop it !
    SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.

    29. Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
    Banta asked: What are you doing?
    Santa: Drying sweat

    30. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.

    31. Santa was writing something very slowly.
    Banta asked: “Why are you writing so slowly?”
    Santa: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.”

    32. Santa and Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy
    Santa: Luk so many bandages pakka truck accident case.
    Banta: Areh, truck number is also written, BC-1700.

    33. Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him : “What are you so frantically searching?” Santa : “Hidden cameras!” Jasmeet : “And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?” Santa : “Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television saying ‘You are watching the Star World channel’? “How can he know what I am watching?”

    34. Santa was writing something very slowly.
    Banta asked: “Why are you writing so slowly?”
    Santa: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.”

    35. Santa and Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy
    Santa: Luk so many bandages pakka truck accident case.
    Banta: Areh, truck number is also written, BC-1700.

    36. Three men were applying for the same job as a DETECTIVE. One was a Sardarji,one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, “Who killed Jesus Christ?”. The Jewish man answered without hesitation “The Romans killed him.”The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied “Jesus was killed by the Jews.” Again, the chief thanked the man. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, “Could I have some time to think about it?” The chief said, “OK, but get back to me tomorrow.” When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked “How was the interview?”. Pat came the reply, “Great, I got the job, and I’m already investigating a murder.

    37. Your Colleague: Hey!! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar!! Naye packages dekh…. Naye language seekh. Night out Maar…. Fundoo programming kar like me… Do something cool man!!
    You: Achha ! To usse Kya hoga.
    Your Colleague: Impression!!! Appraisal!!! Har appraisal main tu No 1! Hike in salary!! Extra Stocks
    You: Phir kya hoga…
    Your Colleague: Project Leader ban jaayega..Phir Project Manager!!! Phir Business Manager! One day U will be a Director of the Company man!!
    You: Acchha to phir kya hoga…
    Your Colleague: Abe phir tu aish karega ! Koi kaam nahin karna padega!
    Araam se office aayega aur MAGZENE padega.
    You: To ab main kya kar raha hoon????
    “Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao.
    Programming hai waste, trust only copy-paste ”

    38. Santa Singh walked up to the front desk of the library and said, “I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I’ve ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!” The librarian replied, “Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book.”

    39. Santa Singh standing below a tube light with a open mouth…………….. WHY? because his doctor advised him “Todays dinner should be light”

    40. Santa Sigh photographer focusing a dead body’s face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said “SMILE PLEASE”

    41. Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.

    Banta Singh : Ok

    Interviewer : Made in India

    Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan

    Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up

    Banta Singh : Bad…. Put it Down

    Interviewer : Maxi Mum

    Banta Singh : Mini Dad

    Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat

    Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don’t Take my seat

    Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat

    Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my Seat

    Interviewer : I say you get out!

    Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in

    Interviewer : I reject you!

    Banta Singh : You Appoint me

    Interviewer : ….!!!

    Add a comment September 22, 2007






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