Reasons not to mess with children.

March 21, 2008 RENU

  1. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
    She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
    what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” The girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
  2. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.

    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
    human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

    The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

    The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

  3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

    Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and
    make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
    said, “Then why are ALL of grandma’s hairs white?”

  4. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.”Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

    A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the
    teacher, she’s dead.”

  5. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.””Yes,” the class said.

    “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
    position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

    A little fellow shouted,
    “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

  6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
    The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:”Take only ONE. God is watching.”

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

    A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

  7. OHNY: Because of the sign.
    TEACHER: What sign?
    LJOHNY: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

    TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
    LJOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

    TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
    LJOHNY: “KROKODAIL”
    TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
    LJOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

    TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
    LJOHNY: “HIJKLMNO”!!
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    LJOHNY: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

    TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
    GEORGE: Here it is!
    TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
    LJOHNY: George!

    TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
    LJOHNY: Me!

    TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
    LJOHNY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

    LJOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
    FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
    LJOHNY: Your name on this report card.

    TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
    LJOHNY: Don’t bite any.

    TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
    LJOHNY: I is…
    TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, “I am.”
    LJOHNY: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

    Teacher: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
    LJohnny : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime.”

    Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
    LJohnny : “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”

    Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
    LJohnny: Brotherly love.

    Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
    LJohnny : No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.

    Teacher: Johny, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s.
    Did u copy his?
    LJohnny: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

    Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    LJohnny : A teacher

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Entry Filed under: Humour

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