Archive for March 2008




Summer scrub

Sun-dry and powder 50g orange rind, 50g sandalwood powder, 50g vatti vellu, 2fistful vepakulu, 1kg mung, 1/4kg red gram dal, fistful rice, pinch pachakarpooram, some kumkum puvu petals, 8haldi kommulu. Keep airtight. Use in 3mths. 

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Add a comment March 25, 2008

FUNNY

spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an London office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND
STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a London secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES,
ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in London health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE
IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO
GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR
THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world:

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY
SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office,
Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED
HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

Add a comment March 21, 2008

Why Indians don’t need to fix a match

Indians are honest people.
A bookie calls Hansie Cronje before the match between India and South Africa.
Cell phone rings. Hansie picks up.

Cronje : hello
Bookie : I am ……. Here.
Cronje : yes tell me

Bookie : how is the pitch
Cronje : ya dry and good for batting
Bookie : I want u to loose today’s match

Cronje : impossible
Bookie : I will pay u $200,000
Cronje : will be difficult to make India win.

Bookie : I will pay u $250,000
Cronje : May be I could help you by reducing the margin… u tell by what margin we should win… will be much more easier

Bookie : no India should win
Cronje : OK. I will try my best
Bookie : no make it.
Cronje : OK.

Bookie : what will be the score
Cronje : 300, if we bat first
Bookie : no make it 220
Cronje : Impossible. Agarkar and Joshi are playing.

Bookie : 220 no change.
Cronje : I will try
Bookie : OK. If India bat first
Cronje : 180

Bookie : no make it 275
Cronje : no u are asking too much. Dravid is playing.
Bookie : OK make it $300,000

Cronje : This would be the toughest match in my life
Bookie : OK, deal is made.
Cronje : yes
Bookie : bye.

Match starts India bats first. India score only 220 in 50 overs. During the lunch break Hansie’s cell rings.

Cronje : hello
Bookie : its me. why did India score only 220. Our deal was 275.
Cronje : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three, defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all catches and shots…I mean, if there is any… exactly directed to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Indians are too good at this,I tried re-arranging the field…but they never miss a fielder.

Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 63 extras.
Cronje : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Kirsten and Gibbs bowl.
Bookie : Okay… leave that… I want u to loose the match.

Cronje : I will try.
Bookie : South Africa should be all out for 180
Cronje : OK.
Bookie : bye.

S. Africa bats. They are making a serious attempt to not hit the ball and if at all they hit trying their best to hit to the fielders. They try to run only singles for doubles. But sometimes, they can’t stop themselves from running. All South African batsmen charged down to Joshi’s bowling and they purposely miss the ball hoping at least one would hit the stumps. But they got to run a bye for that as Dighe is still searching for the ball. Inspite of the bad display of batting, they score 218 of 49 overs.

Last over, 3 runs required, the worst part is that its an Agarkar over. Hansie is batting with Strydom. Bookie gets really furious. Hansie is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).

Cronje : hello
Bookie : its me. What are you upto ?
Cronje : We tried the best we could
Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match

Cronje : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling
Bookie : I don’t know… u are loosing

Agarkar bowls… Hansie tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.

(cell rings)
Cronje : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will find out.

Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don’t take last two run

Hansie talks to Strydom. Agarkar bowls… a juicy full toss. Strydom uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores are level (cell rings) .

Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don’t know what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u’r bat to the umpire.

Cronje : OK. OK. Don’t worry this time I will see to it we are not taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single. Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. South Africa wins the match. Bookie goes mad and Hansie faints in the field itself.

Add a comment March 21, 2008

Men on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says,” I want the men to form two queues – one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one
for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk.”

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replies, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Add a comment March 21, 2008

Reasons not to mess with children.

  1. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
    She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
    what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” The girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
  2. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.

    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
    human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

    The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

    The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

  3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

    Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and
    make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
    said, “Then why are ALL of grandma’s hairs white?”

  4. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.”Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

    A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the
    teacher, she’s dead.”

  5. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.””Yes,” the class said.

    “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
    position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

    A little fellow shouted,
    “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

  6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
    The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:”Take only ONE. God is watching.”

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

    A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

  7. OHNY: Because of the sign.
    TEACHER: What sign?
    LJOHNY: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

    TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
    LJOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

    TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
    LJOHNY: “KROKODAIL”
    TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
    LJOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

    TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
    LJOHNY: “HIJKLMNO”!!
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    LJOHNY: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

    TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
    GEORGE: Here it is!
    TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
    LJOHNY: George!

    TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
    LJOHNY: Me!

    TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
    LJOHNY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

    LJOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
    FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
    LJOHNY: Your name on this report card.

    TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
    LJOHNY: Don’t bite any.

    TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
    LJOHNY: I is…
    TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, “I am.”
    LJOHNY: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

    Teacher: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
    LJohnny : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime.”

    Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
    LJohnny : “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”

    Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
    LJohnny: Brotherly love.

    Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
    LJohnny : No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.

    Teacher: Johny, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s.
    Did u copy his?
    LJohnny: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

    Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    LJohnny : A teacher

Add a comment March 21, 2008

Super foods

These nutrient dense foods offer such an advantage for the vegetarian eater. They are sources for iron, zinc, clacium, folate, B12, and protein, and soluble fiber. They are worth paying at little more for. Substitute them for less nourishing foods in menus and recipes, where you have the opportunity.

CEREALS
rolled oats
BEANS & PROTEINS
soy beans
lentils
nutritional yeast (B12-fortified)
yoghurt
egg
tempeh
tofu
NUTS & SEEDS
sunflower seeds
sesame seeds, with hulls, ground
almonds
GREENS & VEGETABLES
sweet potatoes
parsley
endive
kale
spinach
FRUITS & SWEETS
dried apricots
guava
blackstrap molasses
SPECIALTY
agar
blackstrap molasses

Add a comment March 11, 2008

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