Sardar jokes

September 22, 2007 RENU

1. Sardarji is buying a TV.

“Do you have color TVs?”

“Sure.”
“Give me a green one, please.

2. Sardar Ji calls Air India.
“How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?”
“Just a sec,” says the rep.
“Thank you.” says Sardar ji & hangs up.

3. Sardarji goes into a store & sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
Clerk replies, “That is a Thermos flask.”
Sardar asks, “What does it do?”
Clerk responds, “Keeps hot things hot & cold things cold.”
Sardar says, “I’ll take it!”
Next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him & asks, “What is that shiny object with you?”
He said, “It’s a Thermos flask.”
The boss asks, “What does it do?”
He replies, “Keeps hot things hot & cold things cold.”
Boss said, “Wow, what do u have in it?”
Sardar replies, “Two cups of coffee & a coke.”

4. Sardarji went to appliance store sale & found a bargain.
“I would like to buy this small TV,” he told salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
He hurried home, removed his turban, changed his hair style & returned to tell salesman”I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” Salesman replied.
“Damn, he recognised me,” he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.”I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, “How do u know I’m a Sardar?”
“B’cos that’s a microwave,” he replied.

5. Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
B’cos below 18 was not allowed.

6. Sardarji was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photo of his son for college admission. Accidently, the photo fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman’s saree. He asked her “Can u lift that saree? I wanna take a photo”. The rest is history.

7. Sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park & when Dinosaurs start approaching, he is cowering in his seat, when his friend asks him “What Sardarji? R u afraidof the cinema?). Sardarji replies ” I am an intelligent man, I know it is amovie, but does that animal know?

8. Sardarji with 2red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears, & he answered, “I was ironing a shirt & the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron & stuck it to my ear..” “Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But .. what happened to ur other ear?” “The scoundrel called back.”

9. Sardarji goes to a hotel & eats heartily. After eating, he goes to wash his hands, but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running & asks him, “What r u doing sir?” To this the man replies,”Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,’Wash Basin’ “.

10. Sardarji: Doctor, I have a problem.
Doctor : What’s your problem?
Sardarji : I keep forgetting things.
Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
Sardarji : What problem?

11. One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.”What r u guys doing” asked the sardar.” We r running a marathon. The winner will get prize” replied one runner.”Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!”

12. One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: “Any great man born in this village?Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!

13. Teacher: Write ur best friend’s name in English.
Sardar wrote: ‘ Beautiful Red Underware’
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi

14. Sardar : I hav’nt slept all night in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn’t u exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.

15. A Teacher lecturing on population. “In India every 10 secs, a woman gives birth to a kid.”
Sardar stands up & says, “we must find & stop her”.

16. An Englishman, an American & a Sardarji r called upon to test a lie detector .
Englishman says, “I think I can empty 20 beer bottles”. BUZZZ, goes lie detector. “Ok”, he says, “10 bottles”. And the machine is silent.
American says, “I think I can eat 15 burgers”.BUZZZZ, goes lie detector.” Allright, 8 hamburgers”. And the machine’s silent.
Sardarji says, “I think…”,BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

17. A sardarji was driving down the highway to Disneyland, when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, he said to himself “oh well !”, turned around & drove home.

18. Sardarji: “Excuse me sir, what time is it?”
MAN: “It’s 3:15.”
Sardarji: (puzzled look on his face) “U know, it’s the wierdest thing. I have been asking that question all day, & each time I get a diff answer.”

19. Why did sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2hrs?
B’cos, it said ‘concentrate’.

20. How do u keep a Sardarji busy all day?
Put him in a round room & tell him to sit in a corner.
Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

21. One honeymoon couple saw a Sardarji in front of Hospital in Bombay, trying to fill some form. Eagerly, couple enquired “aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho ” Sardarji replied that he is filling birth certificate form. Young Couple as per preshedule, took Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. Very next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked “Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho” sardarji once again replied that he is filling birth cirtificate form again b’cos, form said FILL IN CAPITAL.”

22. Santa & Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another bldg. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : “My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can’t you carry even this much?”
Banta : “But yours is empty & my disk is full”!!!

23. Sardarji is appearing for his University final exam. He takes his seat in exam hall, stares at question paper for 5mts, then takes his shoes off, removes turban & throws it away. His shirt, pant, socks, watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him & asks what is going on.
“Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,” he says, ” it says here,’Answer the following questions in brief’.”

24. Sardarji was filling an application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”. After much thought, he wrote, ” Yes”.

25. Sardar wins a 20 cr lottery from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar, “Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

26. Sardar proposed a girl, & she says “I’m 1yr elder to you”.
Sardar says, ‘Oye No Problem, I’ll marry u next yr.”

27. In a clinic one Sardarji was crying like anything.
So other Sardarji asked, “Why are u crying?”
The 1st one replied, “I came here for blood test, during which, they have cut my finger.”
Hearing this, 2nd one started crying.
Now 1st one was astonished & asked other, “Why are u crying?”
The other replied, “I have come for my urine test.”

28. In an interview for the post of electrical engg, they asked “how does an electrical motor runs?
sardarji: o ji its very simple.dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewr shouts: stop it !
SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.

29. Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

30. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.

31. Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: “Why are you writing so slowly?”
Santa: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.”

32. Santa and Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy
Santa: Luk so many bandages pakka truck accident case.
Banta: Areh, truck number is also written, BC-1700.

33. Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him : “What are you so frantically searching?” Santa : “Hidden cameras!” Jasmeet : “And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?” Santa : “Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television saying ‘You are watching the Star World channel’? “How can he know what I am watching?”

34. Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: “Why are you writing so slowly?”
Santa: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.”

35. Santa and Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy
Santa: Luk so many bandages pakka truck accident case.
Banta: Areh, truck number is also written, BC-1700.

36. Three men were applying for the same job as a DETECTIVE. One was a Sardarji,one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, “Who killed Jesus Christ?”. The Jewish man answered without hesitation “The Romans killed him.”The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied “Jesus was killed by the Jews.” Again, the chief thanked the man. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, “Could I have some time to think about it?” The chief said, “OK, but get back to me tomorrow.” When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked “How was the interview?”. Pat came the reply, “Great, I got the job, and I’m already investigating a murder.

37. Your Colleague: Hey!! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar!! Naye packages dekh…. Naye language seekh. Night out Maar…. Fundoo programming kar like me… Do something cool man!!
You: Achha ! To usse Kya hoga.
Your Colleague: Impression!!! Appraisal!!! Har appraisal main tu No 1! Hike in salary!! Extra Stocks
You: Phir kya hoga…
Your Colleague: Project Leader ban jaayega..Phir Project Manager!!! Phir Business Manager! One day U will be a Director of the Company man!!
You: Acchha to phir kya hoga…
Your Colleague: Abe phir tu aish karega ! Koi kaam nahin karna padega!
Araam se office aayega aur MAGZENE padega.
You: To ab main kya kar raha hoon????
“Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao.
Programming hai waste, trust only copy-paste ”

38. Santa Singh walked up to the front desk of the library and said, “I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I’ve ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!” The librarian replied, “Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book.”

39. Santa Singh standing below a tube light with a open mouth…………….. WHY? because his doctor advised him “Todays dinner should be light”

40. Santa Sigh photographer focusing a dead body’s face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said “SMILE PLEASE”

41. Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.

Banta Singh : Ok

Interviewer : Made in India

Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan

Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up

Banta Singh : Bad…. Put it Down

Interviewer : Maxi Mum

Banta Singh : Mini Dad

Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat

Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don’t Take my seat

Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat

Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my Seat

Interviewer : I say you get out!

Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in

Interviewer : I reject you!

Banta Singh : You Appoint me

Interviewer : ….!!!

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Entry Filed under: Humour

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